Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
