I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
