he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Drunk is not a location!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
