Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
