Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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