my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
