I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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