i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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