Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
