i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
