I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize