I think I won the penis lottery.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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