They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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