How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
