The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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