You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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