you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
