In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
