Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just forgot I was standing up.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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