she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
