Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
