Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
