I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
