I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
