This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize