like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
