I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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