Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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