We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
