i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
