Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
