The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
