Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize