No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize