Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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