Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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