i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
