Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
