Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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