Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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