Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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