this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize