the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
