what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
