I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
