I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
