Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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