So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
