in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize