I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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