I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize