I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
