I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Found the puke drawer
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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