remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
