every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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