Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
