Michael Bay diarrhea
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
