I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
