you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
