Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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