I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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